Since starting the other blog, life after steel, and with D’s coming birthday, I have been searching for 2 items lately. First was the electronic copy of the scrapbook/binder I prepared for JBLs visit to Toronto in 2005. I have searched all PCs at home and including disks, but I just could not find the file. I could not for the life of me think of deleting that file but it seems hopeless. Second, I know I have an album with hard copy of a Philippine Daily Inquirer headline for November 28, 1988 – D’s birthday. I can still picture in my mind how it looks, what I wrote there, everything, but I could not find it either. I don’t think I left that back home, but it seems so for now.
All this searching led me to think of other things that I know I can no longer find. I use to write long letters when I was in high-school and college. Not only letters, I also wrote a few articles for the school publications, entered essay writing contests, and wrote silly poems back then. I had copies of some of those articles. However, when we decided to migrate to Canada, I thought I will never go back to writing, thus while packing I burned all my copies. I even had a thick collection of poems, some from other writers, some written by me when I was young and silly. Back then, I felt no remorse in what I did. Only lately do I remember and I feel so sad because no matter what I do, I can never have them back.
I mentioned this to my friend recently and she told me, books and references you can find in the internet now, but those things you have destroyed you will never find anywhere, because they were you. Regrets do come last.