Dance

Dear ____________ ,

I’ve just read that you wish to fill your blog with memories of Carmen in happier times. You will eventually get there, but unfortunately this letter is not a happy one. I feel however I must send you this or else I might regret again.

How can I write about Carmen without feeling sad? Ours may not be a very close friendship or a long one – but nevertheless, it was a friendship I planned to keep and go back to in my later years. If there is something to be learned here – it must be that friendship cannot be shelved for future use. I keep my old calendars and my entry for June 29 2004 reads “Line Dance class with Carmen Mah”. That was my first class and I got hooked.

So many things happened after that first class. My Tuesday evenings became exciting, I attended Line Dance activities I never knew existed, and I met interesting people along the way – all thanks to Carmen. Unlike other beginner students, I never “graduated” to the advanced class, but Carmen was always patient with me. And by that I mean not only on the dance floor but with other things like picking me up from home or dropping me off after the line dance parties.

Carmen became a regular in my community’s Christmas parties. Her first stint was such a hit that ever since that first time, her “short” line dancing lessons became the attraction to come in early. But life and other priorities became more hectic that I decided to stop dancing for a while. Carmen and I sort of lost touch except for occasional e-mails, greetings on Facebook and our 2010 Christmas party.

I did not know that would be the last time I would see her. She was in her “dancing” self, patient as usual with her “once-a-year” students, and nothing seemed wrong. In February, a friend of mine told me she thought she saw Carmen in the hospital she was working. But I told her it couldn’t be - I just did not believe. I sent Carmen an e-mail with no response that I got so tempted to call, drop by your place unannounced or send her a card. Yet, I could not bring myself to do it because my mind simply refused to accept what might be true.

Now I have regrets. I should have called, should have sent that card, should have inquired. On the other hand, I did not see Carmen sick. My memories of her and with her will always be happy, dancing ones. I have always planned to go back to line dancing and that included having Carmen as the teacher. Eventually, I will go back – but sadly without my favorite teacher. I will surely miss her.

I wish you and your family well. Remember, you can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart.